About Barney

Well, hello there, my future human. I'm Barney, the deputy sheriff. I say we get to know each other like honey on a biscuit before decide to spend a life together. We don't want to pick our peaches 'fore they're a-fuzzed up and rush into things. Lucky for us, I'm an expert on most things, so ask me anything. What kind of a human am I lookin' for, you may ask? Well, I know I'm looking for a home that pays a hills bit of attention to me. Now I'm not saying I need someone who will molly coddle me, but a little ear scratch and tummy rub does a Barney good. And that sweet talk just dills my pickle. And don't listen to what Aunt Bee might say about me. That one could piss off the pope. I tell you, sometimes I think she might be as useless s a screen door on a submarine. And her pickles are nothin' more than kerosene cucumbers. But her apple pie. Man, oh, man. If you're looking for a handsome young thing that will keep you grinning like a possum eatin' a sweet tater, you found 'em. That would be me. Barney. I'm as lovin' and loyal as the summer heat is long. And I promise to love you forever. Now, don't that just clutch ya'? But it's true. I said it- and I hope you heard it because I don't chew my cabbage twice. See ya' soon. I'll be waitin'.

Bexar County
San Antonio, Texas