'Mature woman seeks loving family to call her own. Must come equipped with plenty of treats (especially if they are peanut butter-flavored), a warm bed and the energy to give plenty of back scratches and belly rubs. Must appreciate Country music and the slight Southern drawl/bark that will permeate your household. Bonus points if the family is open to letting her bring all of her Dolly Parton records home with her. Please send all interested inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org or (914) 273-1674 and the nice woman who answers the phone will tell you more about Angelica (7 y.o. DSF or 'Dog Seeking Family')'.